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Confessions Of A Whole Food Chef: I Hate Kale

 

Here’s a truth.

I HATE kale. Yep.

The perils of “clean eating” and being a wholefood chef…  The "shift" that's unfolding in the world today in the way that people are becoming more conscious and evolved about their lifestyles, gives us hope for the future of humanity. However, becoming "less mainstream", is becoming SO mainstream now! What was was underground/alternative shifts to become the norm. Ugghhh ! ! (insert bored emoji).

Shit has changed now so that the mainstream cafes are catering to the "evolved", the pressure to become even more evolved is a cause of great stress.....requiring more hot yoga.....deeper meditation....and more plant based medicine.

Talk about a viscous cycle.

And it was “KALE” that started it!!!! As an influencer, I would love to see humans eat what they love and love how they feel when they eat a particular ingredient, like kale. 

It’s all about the love

I mean, being “evolved” can be really hard work, and being “healthy” can be so fucken unhealthy especially with all the constant trends. Like KALE!!

I HATE KALE, is a BIGGGGG statement when all of my fans think I have it in my smoothies or as a green powder that I add to my cereal or that I snack on KALE chips daily..well I DON’T….I feel nausea just thinking about a green smoothie with “KALE” in it…

You know it’s not actually the kale I hate as much as the pressure to eat it, particularly in liquid form!!!

Because I love steamed kale then tossed in salted chili garlic and onions grilled till soft and sweet and eaten with a good pile of mashed spuds….YES!!! That to me is how you consume a leafy green.. Arrrrrrr “KALE” you have certainly been at the top of the green blenders for a while now. I really do wonder who can stomach a green smoothie filled with “KALE” they must be a super human. Or a super Wholefoods Hipster.....

So yeah, it’s not so much the kale but the story around it and that’s just a fact. It’s just my truth. And for me that’s the first point of being healthy - doing what truly resonates with your body. 

Being Authentic To Yourself

I want for you to escape society's expectations and live a stress free existence. So trying to fit in with the “KALE” crowd (who are trying NOT to fit in) can be quite stressful!! Which in turn creates more stress and unhealthiness.

Successfully expressing one's individuality hinges heavily on your ability to meet the expectations of your "tribe", “the KALE tribe” as it were. (this is my experience anyways) and there’s a whole lotta truth to it…

It's important to find just the right balance of spiritualism by presenting the outward appearance that you are expressing your individuality, and your own belief system ...... by dressing, acting, speaking and eating exactly the same as all of your hippy friends do..... individually. On Instagram, of course!

How you eat forms a big part of how your tribe will perceive you and there are some pitfalls for the uninitiated.

How "I Hate Kale” All Began 

There was a time when you could walk into any cafe you like and speak to the waiter in a condescending tone because they didn't have whatever it was you were asking for, “I want Kale please - sauteed in cold pressed oil from somewhere pure place that made that perfect olive oil fat”. Either that or an acai bowl blended with kale, turmeric lattes, gluten free bread or “KALE” chips.

There was a time when if you ordered these kind of things you had a pretty good shot at throwing the $16/hr waitress a disappointed look, therefore expressing your superiority.

The worst part however is when you don't like a particular clean, organic, cruelty free, raw, spray free, vegan, locally sourced, biodynamic, gluten free, plant based, non-GMO (or C.O.C.F.R.S.F.V.L.S.B.G.F.P.N.G.M.O for short) “KALE” smoothie, or food such as dehydrated “KALE” chips (that seriously taste like last week’s cut lawn for instance), and you don't see it on the menu.

So, you ask if they have “IT” just so your friends think your vegan palate is more evolved than theirs, but to your dismay, they can only show you the "tempeh stack" listed on the specials board. Hahaha you’re stuck now and so you have to order it. Meanwhile you FUCKEN’ HATE tempeh, like, you HATE it even more than “KALE” in a smoothie... and that’s how the evolved sell “KALE”…!!

Here’s A Recipe I Would Love You To Try

This is how one should get over the "I hate Kale" brigade.... 

Blanch your Kale or steam it a little, just till tender, drain, set aside.

Add to a pan on medium heat, with a good splash of olive oil along with;
1 sliced onion,
4 thinly sliced garlic cloves,
1 sliced long red chilli,
salt and pepper.

Saute this till soft and smelling Yummy....

Add your kale, toss around

Add more seasoning if you like and then eat it with some mashed spring onion spuds....Mummmmmm YUM!!

Stay close to what you love and eat what makes you satiate.

Life’s too short to eat things you don’t like.

Chef xxxx

 

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